Stayed up late, and my vision is kinda blurry from no sleep. Oh. Trig is gonna be fun, and dealing with my angry pot head of an art teacher that acts like she had a bad trip and for some reason hates the world... Yeah. Never was an angry person before, but for some reason this year she despises everyone and wants us dead. So gotta deal with that. Eventually I'm gonna snap and just go off on her with my very insulting smart ass attitude- and I hope it's not today... cause I still need that grade. XXXXD Either way- today is gonna be interesting to get through.

My favorite time of the year! When the sun sets and many people rush outside in their costumes- their mouths watering for the delicious sweetness wrapped in colorful paper. I love this time of year, and I don't think I can get too old for it. I never really looked forward to the candy, I just want to dress up- and though this yeah I had no idea what I was going to be, so I threw stuff in my closet together and came up with this awesome modern/anime samurai costume. I may post pictures later- but it kicked butt. I carried around my naginata too, so it just made things even better. Nothing like trick-or-treating with a real blade. It makes the evening more... real... I guess I should say. This year was great, and I hope everyone else had a great time too! Reemmber, if that voice is telling you "you're too old" SMACK HIM! YOU NEVER TOO OLD FOR FREE CANDY AND FUN!

Happy Hallows Eve, everyone! I hope you all had a great night!

Just a journal. Nothing special.

So, I have the ACT tomorrow. The joy. If it's anything like it was last time I'm sure to be tortured. Not that I'm not ready for it... well. Let's just say don't drink 8 glasses of tea before entering the exam. Yeah. Wish me luck!

In other news- I became a fan of [link] and his videos. I normal dislike watching gaming tutorials, but this is the first gaming individual that I watch for the pure amusement. It makes me laugh... So I may do a fanart for em` just for the living hell of it. Just awesome. I'll do it!

Nyopopo! I have 2 animation ideas now, and I really want to make them... the only thing is... I need a lot of paper. And maybe a newer version of FLASH. I need some 3D skill too, cause I really do want to combine 3D animation with 2D character animation as well. Yes Gorillaz inspired this dream. XD I love the look and feel of the animation. Really interesting look. I got a couple of animation books, so I'll get to work on those when I can- and I'll see what I can do with that. (Hopefully really well) I'll get there!

Last of all, I am going back to MMA and Judo for the last week. I can't go tomorrow. I want to, but the ACT got in the way. So next week, my last and final week, I will give it my all. Maybe talk to sensei when I get the chance. I feel really bad for leaving... And I will miss everyone that attends. But I can't go back after this last week even if I wanted to- and I really do want to. It's for the best, as sad as it is. It hurts to leave, but it may hurt me more mentally if I continue going. Too many personal issues and stuff- and it'd just be for the better if go. The workouts are great, but I should be able to work out that hard and long no matter what dojo I attend. I could even do it at home, but the hard thing is getting the motivation to do it. Erm. It was either the dojo or China, and I chose China. It sounds like a bad choice at first, but I'm not sure I'll get an opportunity to leave the country again. The future holds untold events, and I'm no psychic so I can't say what's going to happen. But... I do know that when/if I get a job and I'm well off enough I can attend a dojo near home. But first thing's first. I have a list of things I want to pay my mom back for. Things she's bought me and stuff... So when I get the money the first thing (well- second: next to the living necessities) I'm gonna do is start paying my mom back. I'll do it even if it means eating cheap ramen for an entire year... And what's that? Like 2 meals a day for 10 cent ramen? About $70 a year. Flesh needs nutrients, but I wonder if will and determination substitutes. Maybe. In due time!

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If you read, thank you. I just needed to type my head out.

Much love,
Phenix Katasan

I didn't think it would happen. I just saw an infomercial advertising kitchenware with the brand name "Ninja". Seriously. And they said ninja about 500 times! XXXXXXXXXD I laughed so hard... THE NINJA BLENDER! OMFG!

They JUST put a hamburger in the NINJA BLENDER! Who would do that? XD Why? The.. what the?

Example guy: EVeryone can be their own bartender with The Ninja!!!!
Example guy 2: The ninja is so durable, it comes with a lifetime guarantee!

SHAMWOW HAS SOME COMPETITION! WITH A BLENDER!

This is... hilarious. I AM AMUSED!

P.S. I'm going to China for spring break!

P.S.S. It comes with ninja blades and ninja lids! They're exclusive ninja products! What an amazing ninja deal!

Haha! Put the lid on your ninja! I just can't... stop... LAUGHING!

This is such an amazing ninja deal that Naruto can't even believe it! -shot-

Have you ever met anyone that reminded you so much of someone, but at the same time they were completely different? They look nothing like them, yet their aura and expressions are so similar you can' help but act like you know them and completely do something you shouldn't have?

- I wish today never happened... I occasionally wish I wasn't human, that I have no emotions, no feeling, and just worked like a computer. Give me the command, and I ask "Are you sure" and when you click "Okay" the command is operated. Maybe a glitch from time to time... cause Vista is protective. What I'm trying to say is that there was this person in my life who I loved dearly. He does not communicate with us anymore, and he lives far away, but he was a big part of my life... and my inspiration when I was little. I witnessed him slowly kill himself and he didn't even know it. He hurt himself and the people around him- so we had to do what we had to do. Tried to help him, and when that didn't work so he had to move away. As a result, I became emotionally distraught, depressed, and extremely confused. Later, after gathering information and filling in the timeline and thought I understood and tried to live my life more happy and care free. Apparently not. I thought I was past it. I convinced myself I didn't need him, and that he was a jerk for leaving. I was wrong. Well... My sensei at the dojo I attend has that very similar aura about him... and his expressions are the same as that person from my past... He's nothing like him- but it's just the surroundings... I tried to ignore it and move on, but today it just didn't happen that way, and I'm constantly bombarded with memories of him and connecting it to sensei. Something was wrong with me and I knew it, so after MMA I called my mom and tried to leave before Judo started, got my jacket on, my shoes, and tried to wait outside- next thing you know everyone is on my back asking me WTH is wrong, don't leave, "Tell us! We'll help you! "... I told them several times to leave it alone, stop asking me, and just trust me that they can't help, and they didn't stop. Next thing you know sensei get's wind of it and comes at me at the wrong time... I freaked and called him an ass then stormed out... I feel so... very... bad... I didn't mean to call him an ass... Not him at all. If at all it was more directed towards that person from my past... It was disrespectful of me, but I can't do anything about it now. So by this time, I'm waiting outside and senpai comes out and asks me one on one what was wrong. Being outside, and with no one around the strain lessened a bit and spilled my heart out... but that doesn't make it okay... I apologized to sensei but I don't think it did any good.

Now... this is my problem. I want to continue attending the dojo, but I really don't know if I should go back. One because of my disrespect, and two I don't want an episode like that to happen again... I know that if I do go back I'll either freak out again, or have to go to different classes that sensei's dad instructs to avoid him and stuff. I shouldn't quit because of sensei... that's ridiculous. If I had the choice to be around sensei and not be reminded of that person I would, but unfortunately I can't. And there's nothing he nor I can do about it. So no matter what he's gonna remind me of that person. I can't erase the feeling. Could I be going insane? I'm not seeing things, but just the thought...

What can I do? What should I do? It pains me to think about it.